Self Love Unlocked

May is National Mental Health Awareness Month, a subject that is near and dear to my heart. There are so many factors that can affect our mental health and we should always be aware of the signs that we may be missing in ourselves and in the people around us. Self-love is more than just self-care, more than things like spa days and manicures. Failing to show yourself love and kindness will lead you down the narrow pathway of self-loathing and self-destruction, and ultimately to the emotional overwhelm of anxiety and depression. Being aware of the state of your mental health means that you are doing what you can to protect your emotional well-being and loving yourself for who and what you are is a good start.

So, what is self-love? We can think of it as a desire to give our own well-being a level of importance and respect. If you love yourself, you have regard for yourself, and you honor yourself. It’s about treating yourself just as well, no, better than you would treat someone you love.

Many of us have been conditioned to believe that we should put ourselves last, and that we are terrible mothers, sisters, girlfriends, wives, friends, etc. if we don’t. We do this under the guise of being the superwoman who takes care of others before taking care of herself. This is self-defeating, and you must stop that right now! You can’t do anything for other folks, no matter who they are if you don’t make yourself your number one priority! It doesn’t mean that you don’t love or want to care for your loved ones, it means that you can’t pour from an empty cup, and not loving yourself will leave you empty.

How do you determine your self-worth? Is it how much money you have? That you can fit into skinny jeans. A good job, and a nice car? Is it because you’re married, (or not), because you have kids, (or don’t)? It’s an interesting question, and a lot of us don’t really know how to answer, simply because we don’t believe we are worthy of love, and therefore don’t love ourselves.

So, I’m sure we have all read a self-improvement article, webpage, or book at one time or another. As a matter of fact, doing so can be a good investment in yourself. However, unless you make a real effort and do the work that change involves, NOT ONE THING is going to change. NOTHING, NADA, NILCH.

We love to hang on to the stories of our lives, don’t we? Oh, my mama didn’t pay attention to me, my daddy wasn’t there, my man left me, my sister is prettier, blah, blah, blah. We are so scared that we will lose who we are if we move past our stories, that we stay stuck in our mess. Those stories tie us to our pain and drain us of the love of self.

While we are stuck in that dark place, we turn ourselves into victims. We sit around having pity parties and blaming every damn body else for our issues.

Everyone has something that has happened to them, something that they think makes their experience worse, or better, in some cases, than everyone else’s. And we all have had someone talk badly about us or think things about us that are not true or are hurtful. The reality of it, is that no one is exempt from life’s bullshit. So, none of this should be how we define ourselves, or measure our self-worth.

You are going to have to embrace change so you can be the woman you want to be. Yea I know change can be scary and hard to face. It’s a lot easier to stay where you are, than to face your fears. When you have done something for so long, like treating yourself unkindly, it becomes a habit. And that’s exactly what your lack of self-love has become, a nasty habit. Realize that the discomfort you feel when you try something new is just those old instincts rising to the surface. Being uncomfortable is not a good reason not to do something. As a matter of fact, be happy that you’re uncomfortable. It means you’re doing something that might actually change your life. If you keep doing what you have always done, the same shit is going to keep happening. You can still move forward despite your discomfort.

We must embrace the changes that we desire and seek, and we have to acknowledge our stories, our pain, our shame, our mess, and how it affects us, deal with it, and move on. Yea, that just about sums it up, we must move on to experience a peaceful existence. If you do anything other than that, then your ass is going to stay stuck right where you are and continue to be a victim of your circumstances.

Your worth is based on your existence, nothing more and nothing less! You are worthy because you are here! You are worthy because The Most High gave you breath today! Your existence makes you worthy! When you know how worthy you are, you show up at your highest level! You do everything you can to honor yourself, your body, your soul, and your spirit always!

You don’t need permission from any damn body to show up and show out for yourself, so let’s get to it! You must do the work, or it won’t work!

Stay tuned for more posts about loving you and let's do the work together!

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About Angela M Mitchell

Angela is a Certified Master Life & Personal Development Coach, a mental health advocate, founder of Back To Her, and a Co-Author in the international best-selling collaborative masterpiece The Image in The Mirror. She assists women entrepreneurs who are experiencing emotional overwhelm to acknowledge their struggles, change the narrative, and rewrite their life stories so that they can become deliberate, not desperate creators of their life's story. Angela resides in Buffalo, NY and is the mother of three and grandmother of two.